In 2005, I was experiencing severe anxiety and depression and so much distress that I could barely do my job. I was very embarrassed about that, because my job is helping others to heal their trauma and anxiety so that they can function better in all areas of their lives. I was a trauma therapist who needed a trauma therapist, and I knew without a doubt I would make a terrible client. I also knew, firsthand, that it could take weeks or months of therapy sessions to get lasting results. I am an expert in trauma recovery, and at that time, I was failing to deal with my own trauma.
When the memories had first arose and I found myself in that traumatized state, I had a intuitive knowing that I needed something called “energy work.” I knew almost nothing about energy work. I was raised as a mostly secular Southern Baptist. I am a Capricorn…practical, logical, hard-working, and stubborn. I did have great insight into relational patterns and emotional triggers leading to dysfunction. I also had good instincts as a trauma therapist, and intuitively understood that nature could heal us.
I remembered that a friend had a therapist who reportedly used feathers and stones in her sessions. I tracked down the name of that therapist and made contact with the woman who would become my trusted healer, teacher, and mentor, Karen Duncan. At that point, my trauma symptoms were severe. Karen was unable to accommodate my need for an evening appointment but connected me to her friend who was an apprentice in the energy medicine Karen practiced.
In one healing session, with a woman who was still in training as an energy medicine practitioner, I experienced complete relief from the traumatized state I had been stuck in for months. I didn’t have all the answers I was seeking yet, but I felt SO MUCH BETTER!
Machu Picchu, 2017
I felt drawn to learn more about that energy medicine. I reached out to Karen for some additional energy sessions and continued to be astonished by the results. Karen invited me to her house for a gathering of friends and a “fire ceremony.” I was both nervous and excited about the idea. The fire ceremony experience was beyond words. It seemed very strange at first, with singing and rattling and images [that conjured up thoughts about Halloween witches]. But when I had my turn to release something at the fire, the power of that experience could not be denied. All those feelings of being different, less than, uncertain, and socially awkward evaporated with the burning of my gift to the fire. I felt both calm and ALIVE! I had never felt so much a part of something as I did standing around that fire with 20 people I had just met.
I met some of Karen’s students at that gathering and listening to them talk about this “Mesa” class was mesmerizing. Karen was getting ready to hold another class, and we took home registration forms. Five hundred dollars was a lot of money, but there were many magical occurrences that made it possible for me to complete a total of four $500 retreats in less than a year’s time. For example, I applied for and received Continuing Education Credits for the class, so my employer paid for the first retreat. So began the life-changing journey.
The mesa-building retreats were the most powerful experiences I had ever experienced in my life. I experienced immediate healing from a pattern I had acted out in relationship after relationship. I found a set of healing tools that can shift my perspective about any circumstance almost instantly. I discovered a set of spiritual beliefs that are so expansive and affirming of what I always believed. I gained a large circle of friends that feels like family. We call these circles ayllu’s–sacred groups. I completed the four classes and was changed profoundly.
I started a non-profit to share the ceremonies and some of the things I learned with others. I took every class that Karen taught or sponsored, experiencing the teachings of a Peruvian Shaman right here in Missouri. Then I began assisting Karen in whatever way she would let me when she taught classes. I kept showing up and helping her, all the while learning what she was learning as she journeyed to Peru every year. I took over more teaching responsibility each time, until I was ready to begin my own Mesa-Building Program.
Meanwhile, my life expanded, and I had the opportunity to apply my new way of being in my roles as a grandmother, a new wife, a business partner, a teacher, and a therapist in private practice. In 2017, I finally had the funds to travel to Peru with Karen and learn directly from the Medicine People of the High Andes. I found myself going back to experience more of the magic in 2018. I bring this direct experience back to weave into my teaching of the Mesa classes and my private healing sessions. According to the shaman who reads Coca leaves, someday soon I will be bringing groups to Peru to teach as well. I have always loved creating retreats and experiences for people. I have done this for years, designing spiritual retreats incorporating shamanic exercises and nature therapy tools. Now I am honored to teach the Mesa-Building Program with the blessings of my medicine lineage (teachers).
